Kanda took the soba
by bloodytears87
Summary: this is what happens when we get board.. complete crack fic including soba, innocents, sexual referances, naive allen, OCs, Komui abuse and Komlin XX3 series. enjoy! i know i enjoyed writing it


It was a regular afternoon at the Black Order HQ when Kairi and her sister Ranmaru walked into the cafeteria, stomachs growling and ready to eat their favorite food, soba. However when they got there all the soba was gone.

"I'm starving," Kairi whined. "My stomach's going rawr feed me!"

"I might look into some ramen myself… since there isn't any soba," Ranmaru agreed. She looked at the bowls of ramen lined up. "I'm sorry but you've been replaced."

"Kanda ate it all I bet!" Kairi exclaimed.

"Oi! What was that?" Kanda growled from his seat in the cafeteria, hand on Mugen.

"Eep!" Kairi squeaked before running and hiding behind Lavi, Allen and Komlin XX3 who just walked in for some random reason. Ranmaru however stared defiantly at her boyfriend.

"Stupid soba stealing samurai!" she yelled pointing an accusing finger at him. At that Kanda unsheathed Mugen. "I'm a vampire… I bite…"

"So is Krory over there but he was still taken down by the soba," Kanda proclaimed in a very un-Kanda way. Ranmaru looked over at Krory who was freaking out at the mention of soba.

"At least I know how to eat it, baka!" she yells. Krory burst into tears and ran out. "Krory-nii get back here!"

"He's long gone," Kairi observed before looking at Lavi. "Lavi, Kanda stole our soba!"

"So? He stole Allen's dango," Ranmaru started, talking about Lavi but was misunderstood to be Kanda making Lavi sweat drop.

"What! It was Ba-Kanda! CROWN CLOWN!" Allen roared, ready to destroy anyone who dare touch his food.

"I don't like sweets," Kanda stated while looking at Allen. "Mugen, Activate!" However Allen couldn't be bothered as he looked at Ranmaru with tears in his eyes.

"You lied…"

"It's too late Moyashi. Prepare to be slaughtered by the mighty Mugen!"

Just then Komlin XX3 tried to step in but is easily taken out by Lenalee who happened to be sitting close by. Ranmaru turned back to Kanda.

"I've seen your Mugen, it's not that mighty," she said with a serious face. At that Kanda faltered landing himself face first into the floor. When he sat back up he was red as all hell.

"What! It was mighty enough for you last night!" the samurai yelled.

"Just kidding Yuu-kun~ 3" Ranmaru giggled. "You can show me later tonight," she added with a wink.

At this Allen looks around confused.

"I don't get it…" he said while scratching his head.

"When you're older Moyashi-chan, when you're older," Lavi assured at the same time Ranmaru said.

"You'll know when Tyki get's you." At that Allen's eyes went wide as images of Cross and different women flashed in his mind. "You are gay right?" she asked, causing Allen to blush furiously.

Komui walked in just then, taking in the scene of Allen fully activated and blushing, Kanda holding Mugen, Lenalee in her dark boots, and Komlin XX3 smashed on the ground.

"What's going on here!" he cried.

"Talking about Allen getting laid," Ranmaru stated as if it explained the chaos of the cafeteria.

"How did we get talking about that!" Allen demanded. Ranmaru merely shrugged.

"Would you rather hear more about Yuu's Mugen?" she asked. Kairi sweat dropped at that, thinking her sister was way too interested in male private parts or at least the ones of a certain samurai.

"I think we got started with soba…" Kairi tried to explain to Komui.

"Yea Yuu ate it all…" Ranmaru said with a nod.

"No I didn't, Kanda did!" Kairi defended.

"No I think she means Yuu-chan," Lavi informed.

"Don't call me that baka usagi!" Kanda shouted. "Unless you want me to cut you down with Mugen."

"Yea, only I can call him Yuu," Ranmaru said, nodding again.

"And General Tiedoll!" Kairi chipped in.

"Yea but General Tiedoll don't get his Mugen every night," Ranmaru deadpanned.

"No, but the akuma do," Kairi said with a sweat drop.

"Yea," Ranmaru giggled. "But they don't enjoy it."

"Wait!" Kairi said as if in the midst of discovery. "Wouldn't it be mini Mugen?"

"Only when soft-"

"Can we stop discussing my penis!" Kanda growled.

"Wha? That's what we were talking about?" Allen gasped.

"Yuu-kun! Not in front of the children!" Ranmaru said pointing at Allen and Lavi.

"Lavi's the same age as Kanda," Kairi point out with a laugh.

"Yea but he's childish."

"Then shouldn't he be included?" Kairi asked her sister while pointing at Komui who was sobbing over Komlin XX3 still.

"He's the worst!" everyone shouted at the same time.

"Yea, Lenalee can't you do something about him?" Allen asked as Komui was close to using Crown Clown as a tissue.

"Sorry guys," she apologized before kicking her brother in the head and dragging him off.

"And if we're going by childish we better include Krory…" Ranmaru pointed out.

"Yuu-chan's a little childish too," Lavi smirked remembering how he acted with Tiedoll in the infirmary when they had just gotten back from the Ark.

"Now's a good time to activate Mugen, ne?" Ranmaru suggested.

"Che," Kanda said while turning away. Ranmaru got annoyed and took her boyfriend's hand.

"If you won't activate it, I will!" she proclaimed as she dragged him from the cafeteria. Everyone just blinked and stared after the pair.

"But what about the soba!" Kairi called out.

"I'll just steal what Kanda has in his room later," she told her sister over her shoulder.

"Oi! I have plans for that!" Kanda yelled.

"You know I can just make more right?" Jerry said, sticking his head out the ordering window. Kairi shrugged it off and went to order tons of soba from Jerry.

"How can you still eat that knowing what Kanda is gonna use it for?" Lavi asked with a face of disgust. Kairi turned to him with a stone serious face.

"I know nothing," she said calmly as she took her food to the table. Allen just shrugged as well before following her with his own mountain of food and sitting down to dig in. Lavi looked rather grossed out before walking away leaving his girlfriend and the Moyashi to eat their food.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to look at soba again," he muttered as he shook his head.

The end!


End file.
